“How are you?”
That’s an all-too-common question that we seem to encounter every day. Yet our responses rarely reflect how we really are.
So, in honor of that, we asked ourselves—How are you, really?
My mood has been all over the place, so I’ve been doing plenty of soul-searching and self-reflecting. This is what I’ve concluded thus far after two months of trying to figure out who I am:
I don’t have a set personality. It’s like one night I’m bathing under the moonlight and the next night I’m dancing with the devil. I go through so many phases that I swear I’m the moon. I don’t have a set look or set direction, I’m just a collaboration of everything I’ve ever seen or felt. I fall in love with a person’s eyes or an animal’s innocence, and I become that. I guess the easiest way to explain it is that like a snake, I’ve shed my skin too many times to count—I have died more than I have lived, and so I fill myself with little pieces of humanity, until my masterpiece is complete. Until I become the artist.
— Em.
I will be honest, mental health is a subject I rarely touch upon nor give much thought to. Not because it isn’t important — it is — but because it is something that’s always been more of a taboo to delve into; it is too painful, too much of a vulnerability to dig out and expose in public. Either that, or I do not feel there is anything that can be said; this is a topic too far beyond my grasp, it is too entangled of a knot for me to untangle, much less know where to start.
That being said, I do have a philosophy that I believe has helped in keeping me more or less sane, or at least, sane-er. While I’ve always been somewhat of a control freak, I’ve come to realize that there are some things I simply can not control — relationships rank first on the list. In fact, the more I try to control them, the more they slip out of my grasp. I was trying to catch water in cupped palms. My want for control could be more accurately phrased as my attempting to drive myself insane. And to a certain extent, I succeeded. The stress and anxiety I caused myself is something I have no intention of living through again.
So what changed? You could say that I gave up.
I learned if there are some things you can not control no matter how hard you try, then there is no reason why you should try in the first place and torture yourself in the process. Perhaps this might sound like a very depressing and passive mentality to have, but really, I must say that learning to let go and has been a relief. Relationships can be cultivated, but no matter how much you prune or water or fertilize, grass won’t grow into willows. It’s much easier, both for yourself and for others, to be opportunistic, to be a plot of soil waiting for the right seed to land, the right sapling to take root. Sometimes, it is only when you stop trying to force a relationship that you realize all the other possible relationships around you, just waiting to be discovered. Perhaps, it is only when you raise your head up from that pitiful blade of grass that your realize — the whole time, you’ve been standing beneath the shade of a field of weeping willows, their pliant branches waving in the wind, just waiting to be seen, by you.
— Jo
With my headset and weekend evening R&B playing, I’d say I’m doing well. But I’m biting my nails again, after having weaned off of the habit for 3 weeks. It might be the new week starting, with new tasks and a new job. It might be the emotional stress I’ve suppressed with smiles this morning, trying not to show disappointment in public. It might be …
Deep breath in, and out. I am here.
How am I really? I am not at my best, but I am in a safe space for recharging.
Sometimes there can be unexpected bits in answering this simple question. Sitting with our emotions and feelings can be daunting, but sometimes it takes facing the pain and telling ourselves that “it is okay to feel hurt,” to be sad, not to be okay to find the first square-inch of steady ground.
I too am still trying my best to be my own best friend, to be gentle with myself, my emotions, feelings, body, and expectations. It’s not an easy journey, but definitely one worth walking.
And the next time you ever feel hurt, remember how the Earth has softly supported you ever since you’ve arrived.
Be gentle with yourself.
— Jady
Stuff that makes us smile/reflect/calm:
Mindly Magazine: a submission-based digital art & literary magazine where people share their stories about mental health, wellness, recovery, etc.
P.S. they’re currently collecting submissions for their “life in quarantine” issue! (Em)Putting on an apron, blasting your favorite tunes in the kitchen, and just baking. Anything works, so as long as it keeps your hands busy and your thoughts caught up in the moment — the smoothness of flour on your fingertips, the rich whiff of melting butter, and the simple joys of sugar and vanilla. Some people only call it baking, I call it therapy for the mind and sugar for the soul. (Jo)
SparkNote’s Twitter account! Hands down one of the funniest Twitter accounts for all our nerds. It’s kept me entertained ever since I discovered it a few weeks ago. (Em)
Me time. Or me time at coffee shops. (Jady)
Tracks from Spotify’s K-Indie playlist, i.e. Okinawa (by 92914), 99 (by Standing Egg): I used to listen to this playlist on my way to class on the most stressful days last semester. They’ve kept me calm(sane) and helped me push through.
Share with us!
In the comments, please feel free to share:
How are you, really?
Stuff that makes YOU smile/reflect/calm.
Any thoughts.
Mental health and emotional support are important conversations to open up, and we hope to create a comfortable space for this community to discuss.
We’re so grateful to have you with us.
So. How are YOU, really?
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